You're A God
by Dea Mortis
Summary: Everyone has their demons and gods... -- vidfic, shounen ai, hetero, deaths in past, suicide attempt


You're A God by Willow

13 Sep 2000

Category: Yaoi, Death (but not really), odd (for me atleast, I think), Vidfic, suicide.  
Rating: PG-13 (suicide, yaoi)  
Pairings: R+1 (but not really), 5+M, 3+4, 2, 1+2  
Warnings: Odd...  
Spoilers: Pasts: Duo and Wufei. Not really much, but it deals with them.  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This is for fun and enjoyment, no money is being made. Please don't sue me, as I am poor.  
Feedback: Yes please. All flames received will be used to light the fire under my ass and get me to write more fics that are against your liking, so there.

NOTES: Song belongs to Vertical Horizon. Note to Tyr. It is R+1 not 1+R... well it could be considered that, but Heero is making sure he is away from her... I guess... Whatever.

You're A God by Willow 

> _I've got to be honest  
I think you know  
We're covered in lies and that's OK  
There's somewhere beyond this I know  
But I hope I can find the words to say_

[Relena stands looking at Heero, disbelief written all over her face. She opens her mouth to ask him a question, but he just shakes his head and turns to walk away. Wind blows and the screen is covered by leaves.

As the leaves clear, the scene has changed. Wufei sits looking at an old album. His face is streaked with tears. The camera pans to view the album in his shaking hands. Pictures of Meiran cover the page. Her smiling, her laughing, both of them enjoying a practice match... on and on. Wufei closes the book and stands to walk outside. The camera whirls, blurring the screen.

It stops and we see Quatre and Trowa, looking at one another. The camera swivels to look at Quatre's face, it is distorted by tears and pain he is vainly trying to conceal. Panning back to Trowa, his face is hard set and he looks very determined. His eyes are hard and uncaring as he turns and walks away. Shot of Quatre as he falls to his knees, giving in to his agony.

Blurring then resolving into another scene, we see a boy with a black cap kneeling before a bench in a Catholic church. He seems as if he is concentrating hard on something. He looks up and we see his face is devoid of any expression, a mask of hard, cold stone. The camera pans around to a view from behind him. Hundreds of candles litter the pew and the surrounding area. All of them white, all of them seeming to have been burning for hours... maybe they have. {1} He stands and leaves the church... the scene fades to black.]

> _Never again no  
No never again _

[The screen is split in four vertical columns. Each showing a boy walking. First Heero, then Wufei, then Trowa, then, finally, Duo. Each boy's face is set, expressionless... a mask hiding something none of them have the strength to show, but all of them determined. The frames shift to zoom on each face, catching the hollow looks in the boy's eyes... fade to black.]

> _'Cause you're a god  
And I am not  
And I just thought  
That you would know  
You're a god  
And I am not  
And I just thought  
I'd let you go_

[Fade in. Images of the people each boy left behind flutter across the screen. Relena, clutching her face. A photo of Meiran, scowling at the person who took the picture. Quatre, sobbing into a pillow. And finally, the candles alight the screen and ghostly images of the residents of Maxwell Church fade in and out with the candles in the background. The candles flicker out, leaving the scene black.]

> _But I've been unable  
To put you down  
I'm still learning things I ought to know by now  
It's under the table so  
I need something more to show somehow _

[Scene reopens to Heero sitting at his ever-present laptop, typing away. The eerie green glow of the screen illuminates the room, casting a shadow on the far wall. Camera pans around to catch the glimmer of a single tear as it falls to make a small splash on one of the laptop keys, zooming on the little puddle of water.

The camera pulls back to show Wufei standing in the pouring rain. Tears and rain water mixing on his face as he is soaked to the bone. The camera angles up to look at the sky as the shower turns into an all out storm.

Pulling back through a window and panning over to the right, the camera zooms on the lone occupant of a rundown motel room. Trowa sits on the bed, every once-and-a-while he looks out the window at the pouring rain... In his right hand he holds a throwing knife, which he flips, holding the shape edge between his thumb and forefinger... with a flick of his wrist the knife is flung across the room, embedding it self in the far wall. The camera, having followed this action, pans back to zoom in on the emerald eyed boy. His hollow eyes are haunted and empty... the camera continues to zoom in toward his eyes. Black over takes the screen.

A neon light flickers on to cast an eerie violet glow on a musty, dank hotel room... the iron frame bed in the corner barely holds up it's single, small occupant. The camera closes on the boy laying on the bear mattress, his eyes closed, his hands thrust above his head. The camera journey's up from his face, down his arms to his forearms. Thin red and white lines litter the surface of otherwise perfect skin. Blood drips from a single deep incision on each arm onto the threadbare carpet of the grimy hotel. The camera zooms on the growing puddle of red...]

> _Never again no  
No never again _

[The screen is cast in a red tone, different scenes of each boy flash across the screen.

Heero typing up a mission report while Duo tries his best to annoy him, to no avail.

Wufei reading a book and Meiran coming up, snatching it away and scolding him for wasting a beautiful day.

Trowa and Quatre playing a duet together, each enjoying the momentary respite from the war.

Duo leaning over Heero's shoulder and finding himself face to face with the blue eyed pilot, who surprises him by kissing him... a quick chaste kiss.

Heero fastening Duo's silver cross around the braided boy's neck, kissing him softly.

The cross being fastened on Duo's small neck by a kind, smiling nun. The little boy turning around and hugging her tightly.

The red deepens to black...]

> _'Cause you're a god  
And I am not  
And I just thought  
That you would know  
You're a god  
And I am not  
And I just thought  
I'd let you go_

[Back in the grimy hotel room, the camera is aimed at the door. Slowly it swings open to reveal Heero Yuy, his face grim as he smells blood. The camera pans to the bed, where the occupant tries weakly to sit. From the left, Heero comes into the shot immediately reaching under the bed for a med kit, as if this happens often. He quickly, as if with lots of practice, controls the bleeding and bandages the wounds. He sadly shakes his head, looking at the boy. He knows Duo doesn't mean to hurt him... his past is just as painful as Heero's, if not more. Heero knows that when Duo goes on his yearly mourning that more than likely this will happen... he is prepared to save the boy's life as many times as he has to... cause to him... Duo is a god... but unlike Relena, he is unwilling to let him go. Camera pans to Heero's worried face as Duo buries his head in his shoulder and cries. Panning around to view the play of light on the other wall the camera zooms into black...

The camera pulls back, a raven haired head comes into view. As the camera pulls further back, the Gundam Nataku comes into the frame. The camera pans around to view Wufei's face as he worships his lost love. Incense burns from a burner to Wufei's left. The camera follows the stream of smoke up into the sky...

The camera pans down from the pale blue of the sky to hone in on a single boy walking a rope across a three rope bridge. {2} On the other side, a blond boy looks up from his music. His face is sad, but a light of hope shines in his ocean blue eyes. He smiles as the other boy approaches. Trowa leans down to look the sitting boy in the eye. The camera pans around to catch the look of indecision on his face before panning out to view both boys... Trowa, in one swift movement, leans forward and kisses the little blond soundly on the lips... Quatre's eyes light up and he melts into his koibito's embrace. Fade to black...]

> _I've got to be honest  
I think you know  
We're covered in lies and that's OK  
There's somewhere beyond this I know  
But I hope I can find the words to say  
Never again no  
No never again _

[Across a black screen, images of each boy(s) flash as if a picture taken at a special moment in time.

Duo and Heero sitting on the bed, Heero holding the boy tight against his chest, murmuring soothing words in the sobbing boy's ears.

Wufei and his gundam, remembering his lost love... a small smile on his bronze face.

Quatre and Trowa playing a sweet melody, enhanced by the duet of flute and violin.

Each having found the words, the reason, and the right path to travel. Each having found their god. Fade to black...]

> _'Cause you're a god  
And I am not  
And I just thought  
That you would know  
You're a god  
And I am not  
And I just thought  
I'd let you go_

[A feather floats across the black screen, landing in roughly the center. Four words appear on the screen in slightly glowing white letters: _'I'll never let go.'_]

End

Notes:  
{1} White candles - candles for the dead.  
{2} Something we used at summer camp... it's three ropes in a triangle formation... you walk on one and hold the other two... just so you know... actually, I didn't get to use it... I had to use the 1 & 2 rope bridges... *snickers*  
3 Feedback please... I finally got around to writing this... it didn't turn out as I had planned, but I got most of what I had planned in... then it ran away into a new direction... It wasn't supposed to be 1+2 at all... Que sera sera...  
4 It is now 10:41 pm, this will not be sent until late Wednesday night (13 septembre)... (today when you get it, maybe...)... so good night.

Willow

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